Saturday, December 27, 2008

Conversations With Myself Part 5

Ego: It has been a while since I've written on this blog. As I sit here in bed at 7:30 am 2 days after Christmas, I can't help but ponder on the past few weeks. It seems like everything that happened is a blur. Well, I have been working for almost 2 months now. I am thankful that I finally found a job and that I am now able to support myself and the kids. I feel much better about myself. I feel like I am repeating myself. Then, we found out that T was being deployed for the 3rd time. I was furious!!! If only we knew this bit of information before we moved here, it would have saved me a lot of heartache. I went through the process of blaming T and being angry at him. Although i know it wasn't his fault and that he didn't know about this deployment, I was still angry at him. We are here in this new and strange place and he will be leaving us for a year, and the holidays are coming up. ( I am sorry, I am reliving my anger.) I finally got past that anger but it made our lives miserable for 2 weeks before he left. He only had 2 weeks to prepare and he wasn't even home to be able to do that. He was away training most of the time. I started feeling sorry for my self again. I made his life and my life miserable for the last 2 weeks he was home. I was going through that process again which is all too familiar when he is getting ready to be deployd. I started calling my friends and I was releived that they are always there for me.
T has been gone for 3 weeks and the kids and I are finally getting into a routine that is comfortable for us. It's been very pleasant, quiet and peaceful without the arguing and fighting. We miss him very much but we don't miss the fighting and yelling. Christmas was very pleasant. The kids missed the excitement of having T around, making big plans, surprising us with wonderful presents. I must admit I'm not as creative and as exciting as my husband but I did try my best. We got my daughter a magic microphone karaoke along with some other things, and my son got a a digital camera and some other things. WE had a quiet Christmas just the 3 of us. Sad, but quiet and pleasant and we spent a lot of quality time together. I am off from work until the 2nd of January and I plan on spending all of it with my kids.

ALTER EGO: Life is just stuff. Keeping things simple. Don't worry too much. These are the things that we need to keep in mind to get started. Oh yes, life has been very pleasant lately but you still worry too much. We need to do something about this. I can't give you much advise on this because as I only know as much you know. You have lots of books that's still in boxes, look through them or we can go back to the library. One more thing and I know this is important to you. You should look into going back to school and continue towards your master's degree. T is not here, this should be a good time to achieve that.

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