Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Conversations With Myself Part 4

EGO: Life caught up with me and I am feeling overwhelmed. My training at work is over and I am now on my own. I'ts not a big deal because I know I will do great. It's all these other STUFFS that is getting me down. I try, God knows I try not to let these stuffs bother me but I falter more than not. T is out of town. He's been gone since last week Thursday. I feel guilty because I have to admit that I was glad he was away. I suppose we both needed to get away from each other for a while. I say that because I don 't think he minded being away from me either. I feel free when he isn't here. Is that wrong?

Another thought; why do I avoid my friends? I always cut any type of communication with my friends each time I moved. That's too bad because they are wonderful friends. AAAAhhhh, why am I complaining about it? Why don't I just return their phone calls and e-mails? What is stopping me? There must be a reason why I do this, but what?

T and I were having a conversation about my new job. It occurred to me that in a matter of 8 years I have had 3 jobs in different fields. T said that it is a good thing because I am getting more experience and I am more well rounded because of those experiences. I remembered a passage I read (can't remember where) that everything you do; whether its a job or you are eating, singing...etc., they are all part of an experience that will get you ready for what is to come. I wonder how true that is. And if it's true what is in store for me?

T will be home on Thursday and things will change around the house again. I hope his absence will help both of us when he gets back. The kids are not too excited about the thought of him coming back. This is because they are thinking that we will be fighting again and of course they don't like that. It has been a very stressful one month and I hope and pray that it will get better. The holidays are coming up and I want everything to be just fine. I am just grateful that I have such wonderful kids who doesn't give me problems. I am blessed.

I just started reading "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. I like what I read so far. I read countless books about spirituality, self help, name it I read it. There was a time when I thought I got it. Well, I don't get it. So, here I am again trying to read as much as I can to learn more and hopefully this time I am able to apply it to my life. We will see.

Today, I am thankful for the roof over my family's head. I am thankful for the food on our table. I am thankful for our health and safety. I am thankful for my job because now I feel much better about myself.

ALTER EGO: I know exactly what you mean about feeling overwhelmed. We need to find a better way to relax. Also, we need to tackle our challenges one at a time. We need to prioritize them then we will try to figure out what steps we could take to solve it. Our word for the day is GOALS...we need to set a goal. We need to work on that tonight. We will make a list.

Regarding feeling guilty about T, oh, don't sweat it. It doesn't mean anything. You and he just both needed some space...we all do. You know I am so glad that we are doing this blog. It's amazing to be able to see and read what you are thinking...you know what I mean? A thought is just a fleeting thing...it dissappears as soon as you thought of it. Writing your thoughts allows you to capture your thoughts and read them. It gives you time to ponder on them. It's therapeutic. Well, we better get started on that GOAL list.

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