EGO: Another day of waiting. I wonder if I got the job. I had a feeling during the interview yesterday that they wanted to hire me. Three weeks of being unemployed is getting me down. I need the income to survive. It wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have the kids to think about. Oh gosh....what have I done....moving to a strange state not knowing anyone with the kids. Why did I listen to HIM (T) again? I am so confused...I don't know what to do. Feelings of desperation is setting in again. I want to get married but what is stopping him (T)? I should have dug in my heels before we moved here. I hate myself for breaking the promise that I made to myself....I WILL NOT MOVE WITH HIM TO ANOTHER STATE FOR THE SECOND TIME UNLESS WE GET MARRIED. Well, I broke that promise and I hate myself and paying for it now. I don't want to do this anymore. I am miserable...I want to be happy for a change. Do I even love him? I don't know...I know that I used to love him but I think that have changed. We have been in so much stress and fighting all the time lately...maybe that's just it. But, can one just stop loving someone you used to love? Does he still love me? Sure, he is taking care of me and the kids financially, until I get a job and like he always say, "I don't have to spend my money to take care of you and the kids but I do because I want to." But is that enough reason to love someone? T does say hurtful things when we argue and I do too..but DARN it he hurts me with his words. He knows my feelings get hurt easily.
ALTER EGO : Treasure, calm down. The interview was just yesterday. You know and they know that you have the qualifications for the job and the interview went really well. OK, I know that you are getting frustrated but you need to think clearly. Take this step by step. Your first priority is to find a job. You have been doing that. You have sent out 4 applications and out of the 4 you went for 1 interview. That is not too bad. Also, think about it, the other 3 jobs you applied for is not as good as this one. You just sent in your application and resume because you needed a job...out of desperation. So...relax and just wait until Friday...2 more days. As for T, this situation is a little more complicated. Let's not make it more confusing as it is. But this is not the time to sort it out. Your relationship with him got worst when you moved because now, you don't have a job and the means to take care of yourself and the kids financially. You don't like the feeling of having to depend on T or anyone else for that matter. This is a very common feeling. You are feeling useless and helpless but all that will change once you find a job. It will make you feel better about yourself. Right now you are not in a right state of mind to deal with this situation. Don't make any rash decisions. You know what happens when you do that. So, today, take it easy. Finish unpacking the family room and the office. Get all the boxes out so you can call the movers to come and pick them up. Make dinner for the family tonight. Read the books that you borrowed from the library. And when T gets home, don't nag him (he hates that), just keep the conversation light. Treasure, you will be just fine. Trust me.